your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
