i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
