I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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