Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I AM VODKA MAN
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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