Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So here I am, sexting at work.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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