so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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