i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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