last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize