she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
