tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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