Please, let me fuck your mom
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
