mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
