my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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