Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
