HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
