used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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