im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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