u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
