i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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