I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
