Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Too much gin, very little bucket
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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