I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
