1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
