Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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