Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
