So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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