i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
