if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
