Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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