somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
