I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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