omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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