It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
