it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
