don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize