she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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