I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's always time for handjobs
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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