Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
