That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
