Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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