If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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