***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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