Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
