im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
