So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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