Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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