the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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