and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
