i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
