I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
