Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
