genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we're so committed to being not committed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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