My nipple is on Facebook.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
