none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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