he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
