if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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