He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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