What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
