just tell him i said nine months
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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