i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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