I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Found your dick twin last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.